To my person in rehab (PIR)

Dear PIR,

You don’t have a phone or Internet right now and surely that is for the best. But one day you will get those things back and I want you to see that I was here with you the whole time. I am naming it and claiming it and shaking your skeleton out of the closet I’m your blogging sponsor. You are an alcoholic and I love you. I love you even though you’ve screwed up. I love you even tho you’ve been hiding from me. I’ve known for a long time that you were in the bottom of the bottle and I still loved you. I won’t stop now. Have I felt mad and afraid and wanted to slap you naked? Yes! But I feel that way about a lot of people so you aren’t alone on that one. You are not alone in any way actually. Between us we’ve had cancer at least 8 times. We got thru that and we will get thru this. This won’t even cost us a boob or an ear, just some pride. I don’t have a bottle to put down and though I could happily smoke 14 camel lights right now I won’t do it. So I have to give up my real crutch in solidarity with you- food. Sugar and corn chips and everything else I eat to fill a empty place somewhere besides my stomach. I know dieting isn’t the same thing as climbing out of the bottle but it something that makes me feel
shame and regret and that shame and regret makes my want another piece of pie. So here I am, naming and claiming that, too. You are not alone and I love you. But most importantly you are not dead. The cancer hasn’t killed you and neither has the booze. Don’t let the regret kill you now. It is time to live and laugh and love with our little people and our old people and each other. No more hiding. No more.

Jana

3 thoughts on “To my person in rehab (PIR)”

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