Trying not to cry

LieLie is performing in a show right now at school and I’m not there. I’m home with sick Finn. He’s added a hacking cough and a wheeze to his list of cooties. Poor guy hasn’t been 100% in months and catches everything that comes along. But my heart is in the theater with LieLie right now. She’s playing herself, 20 years in the future and singing. Her dad, my parents and her karate instructor are all there so she’s well represented but I’m saaaaaaaddddddddd! The last time I missed her performing a show I was birthing Finn. That day she played a billy goat. I remember vividly my big girl (age five and suddenly huge in comparison to a newborn) coming to the hospital and being a goat just for me. When she walked in she said clippity clop clippity clop. I remember thinking that this was what parenting two would be like. The whole world wouldn’t revolve around her anymore and it would break my heart more than hers most of the time. That turned out to be very true. She is an amazing big sister, always has been, and resilient when faced with upheaval. She never missed a beat when Funn was born despite my positively obsessive parenting up until that point. I spent one night in the hospital when Finn was born and it was the longest I’d ever been away from her in her entire life. The fact that I didn’t cripple her with love shows how fierce a warrior she is in her heart! Warrior on little girl! I will always be somewhere, wishing I was with you but you’ve got this, just like you always do! 

****sidenote: she told me I was going to be a helicopter ghost when I was dead. Personally, I prefer helicopter angel! But I got the hint and have tried to helicopter parent a little less obviously:) I’m thinking of getting a drone…….

Thank goodness for Momo. He lets me  literally keep him in my pocket. 

2 thoughts on “Trying not to cry”

  1. I am cracking up, you are so funny, and at the same time, my heart is cracking for you. You are the best mom ever!

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