Today I went to Trader Joe’s with Finn. I watched him grind the coffee and I thought about the day described below and I told Finn about it. He didn’t remember it but he said we could probably read exactly what happened on the blog. It turns out the blog didn’t exist yet but it was already gestating in a 30 day writing project (there was a new word each day) I was participating in for Advent on Facebook. I was Finn’s first day of kindergarten. He had been homeschooled for the first semester and then a spot opened up at Pioneer Springs. I left my baby at school and my heart broke into 1000 crumpled bits.
December 9, 2013
Today’s advent word is find. Today I had the good fortune to find a few kind strangers at Trader Joe’s when I started to weep uncontrollably in the cheese aisle. It was the kind of quiet crying that you cannot stop and sneaks up on you and usually causes people to look away. There was nothing really wrong, I was just overwhelmed by the absence of Finn. I got sad when I didn’t have to hold a fifty pound, four foot tall creature high in the air so that he could grind the coffee. But the cheese was my undoing. He loves a fine St Andre, a ripe Camembert and some finely powdered pecorino. I could hear him negotiating his cheese budget in my head! Mommy, can I have thirty dollars worth of cheese? No! Well today I would have said yes and clutched him to my chest like he had gone missing and then been found. I started to sob with a cheese in each hand. A sweet employee came and asked if I needed help. I told her what was wrong and she said come with me. She took me to the break room and gave me coffee and said tell me about this boy who loves cheese. More tears, so someone brought me a poinsettia with glitter on it and more tears came, so someone else brought me a bouquet full of red flowers and I finally laughed. I laughed because not one person made me feel ridiculous and there were roses and glitter to boot. Glitter is on my list with gravy. There can never be enough. So I was calmed and went to pick Finn up from school and he saw my bounty of foliage in the passenger seat and asked why I had such things. I told him the story and he said “well you still got the Camembert, right?”
April 3, 2015
Today I almost cried in Trader Joe’s because Finn got a headache from the florescent lights and threw up near the cart return.The end.
I still had to hold him up to grind the coffee though!