5am

Life has been challenging in 2016. So I have been suffocating my mother with needyness, drinking wine, staying overly busy, reading books about self-help and worse off people than me for reassurance and therefore doing my regular coping routine. 

But in addition to that I have an accountability club where I go and I have to report in on progress I am making on my goals. Right now this seems like a worse idea than that time I signed up for Burn Boot Camp to loose weight and be part of a “Fit Mom Community”- since one of my goals is to write. Due to the fact that I haven’t been able to find the time to write a to do list, I’m writing this nonsense at 5am. Which means I don’t like you, the world, kittens or anything but coffee and everything I’m saying makes no sense at all. So I’m sorry to you and to kittens but I can’t help it. 

I also signed up for group therapy. The theme of the group is mindfulness. I went on the wrong day. I can’t make this stuff up. Do you think if I ever manage to attend I am going to have to sit in a circle and say “my name is Jana and I’m a mindless person. I couldn’t even get here in the right day.”  Then everyone will say “hi jana” in a strange monotone? Or no one can ever get there and there is no group? That therapist is just a rich genius.  

I have to go teach school now. AP psychology test review and the end of World War 1 in World History today. 

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