I had to work my extra job today, so the children had to fend for themselves at their swim meet. When I arrived towards the end, Finn was swimming without a cap, hadn’t eaten breakfast, was lounging around with his relay team like a pack of teenage girls on vacation by the pool and had no idea if he had any future events on the horizon. He was not worried about a thing. Apparently, I should always go to work and mind my own bizwax. Who needs parenting?!?

Then I took those wet children to run errands because if I didn’t they would have had to forage for a witch with a candy house for dinner. That seemed mildly dangerous. So we went down the tracks into the wilds of America, past Whataburger #11, the foam factory and at least 11 people to the Tractor Supply. They had a varmit trap there large enough to catch a herd of coyotes. No lie. It said it was for raccoons. Raccoon cage my arse. Lielie said it was “definitely for a few chupacabras because if you have that many raccoons you might as well give up.” She also pointed out that the release part is a lie. Old Grandpa used to do things to varmits he caught in his normal sized traps and none of them involved relocation to a pleasant farm. These comments made us giggle which drew attention so Finn noticed the stares and piped up with “people are looking at me, they have never seen a young farmer with shorts this tight.” He had a good point, he was wearing the only speedo in the Tractor Supply. Wardrobe issues could have been easily fixed at Aldi by requisitioning a gingerbread man survival suit. Handy in the 100 degree heat. We didn’t actually buy that but we did buy an inflatable couch along with our avocados. It’s going to be great for kids lounging by the pool during athletic events that I miss.

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